On bringing up children

The scariest thing about having children is not the 9 months pregnancy, neither is it the 10h labour. It is really the lifetime of bringing them up to be independent, self-reliant (are they the same?) individuals with integrity.

i do not need my children to be brilliant doctors and lawyers (tho' Daddy has been saying that to Baby even before he was born.. haha..), but I just want them to be able to stand on their own 2 feet. I also just want them to be OUR children. I don't think that is very much to ask for.

As new parents, I only want the 'space' to be able to bring up my kids the way we want them to be, to have the 'space' to make the mistakes that we should be making and to find out what works and what doesn't with our little one. Afterall, everyone else who has had children already had the chance to do so. And if they feel that they didn't do it right the last time round, I am sorry to say, "your opportunity is over, this is someone else's assignment now". Also, if they feel that they are more "experienced", I would say, "thank you for your advice, but I will see if they are applicable to my children. Please do not impose your thoughts and your values on me. I am afraid they may be very different."

I want to be able to know that we have done our best to provide for our children and that whatever went right with them, we were part of it. Also, I do not want to live with the regret/ guilt/ resentment that I have to blame someone else for anything that has may not have gone as we have desired.

ps: I want my children to grow up knowing that Daddy and Mummy will always be there for them, always...

Endurance

When baby refuses to sleep at night, it is really a test of endurance. It's like a battle between the parent and the baby. See who can outlast the other!

I am quite surprised that I could stay up with baby for about 5 hrs last night and still wake up at 9am this morning. This is only the 1st night. Can I do this every night for maybe another week, until I figure out the amt of milk that he drinks in the night?? Whatever it is, I MUST go on.

God is my refuge and strength.

When to change Kieran's diaper

Lesson learnt last night: Change his diaper AFTER he has fed.

He is really angry when he doesn't get his milk and angrier that someone's messing with his diaper when he's trying to get his milk!!

Changing diaper after feed reduces diaper wastage. Last night, he pooped 5min after I put him in new diapers.. urgh..

Labour Pains...

This is going to be a very long entry as I want to record everything down.

I was right about myself all along. I was more fearful of needles, pain from the drip and epidural (if I had to take it). On the whole, I thought that the contractions were bearable with the help of painkillers. Of course, I am very thankful that Hubb was so encouraging and supportive throughout the entire ordeal process. I don't think I would have made it through without him by my side the entire time, giving me encouragement, calming me down when I panicked and firmly passing clear instructions from the midwife to me. Thank you baby!! I love you.

What exactly happened in the labour process to deliver Kieran?

Pre-labour:
Rather long pre-labour (about 2 days)
Started with the lost of the mucous plug on 15 May
Thought it was the ammniotic fluid leaking and went to see Dr Lim. He said that the cervix was closed and still long. Also, the ammniotic fluid was not leaking.
"Bloody show" on 16 May

Early Labour:
1 contraction on 16 May
Few irregular contractions in the evening of 16 May
Pain level: very low. Very much like PMS cramp. I didn't even realise that they were contractions. Just thought that tummy was uncomfortable.

17 May Morning:
Woke up at about 4am because tummy was hurting. Contractions were getting stronger but still very low intensity. Didn't make much of it and feel asleep until about 7ish in the morning. Contractions started coming in regularly at about 10-20min intervals, each contraction lasting about 30s. Still couldn't confirm if they were contractions or they were the after-effects of the internal exam done 2 days ago. Didn't even want to call Dr Lim cos I've been calling him almost everyday for the last 2 days. Was getting a little paiseh about it already. Was convinced by Hubb (again.. ) to call him at about 10am. By then the contractions were really quite regular, though they were not very painful. I just had to stand still when the pain came. Moving made the intensity increase.

We were intending to go by Robinsons (sale!!) to see if we could buy anything for baby. We still contemplated whether to pop by Dr Lim's first or Robinsons!! Haha!!! Thank goodness we went by the Dr's. He checked and said, "ok, admit to Mt A". Both our jaws just dropped. The cervix had already dilated 2cm. According to Dr Lim, half the work was done over the last 2 days. As i was feeling hungry, we went to have lunch and then admitted to Mt A at about 1.30pm. I was quite glad that we didn't go shopping, cos the contractions really got stronger during lunch.

The contractions came and went, all bearable until Dr ordered the oxytocin drip at about 5pm. Once the drip went on, the contractions started becoming stronger. By then they had already put the monitor on me and I was on the bed. Dr came by at about 6pm and broke the water bag. The intensity of the contractions really increased after the membranes were broken. (Dr estimated 4hrs to delivery at that point). About 1/2hr after the bag was broken, the pain started to become rather unbearable. I was already using Entonox once the drip went on. However, the gas was getting a little insufficient for coping with the increasing pain. At that point, I asked Hubb if I should go on epidural. I actually had time to think about it and finally decided not to. I hated it when the nurse administered the drip, cos the stinging pain was so unbearable that I actually teared. At that point, I told Hubb that I didn't want epidural. So when the time came to decide, I did hesistate a little, but Hubb kept telling me that he believed that I could do without it. So I chose pethidine instead.

Pethidine really works. Once the jab went in, the contraction pains lessen in about 5mins. And they became bearable with entonox again. I was so relieved. However, that was quite short-lived. Once the transition stage started, it was almost scary. The cervix has not dilated to the 10cm mark and thus I was told not to push when the bearing-down feeling came. The contraction starts with about1 bearing down contraction at the end of each cycle and progressed to a full bear-down feeling everytime the contraction comes in. It was really difficult not to push when the contraction came. I think that was a very difficult period cos it was really a test of willpower and determination to go against nature. When the time came to really push for the baby to come out, it was almost a relief to go with the flow of the contraction. I think I still couldn't push hard enough as Kieran was finally delivered with assistance of the vacuum. But, I guess that's alright as he came out safe and sound. And as usual, Hubb said to me that most importantly, I tried my very best to bring him into this world.

Summary:

• Labour pains are really bearable with the right encouragement ( i think the antenatal class helped)
• Pethidine works. Should consider this option before going straight for the epidural
• Do not disregard any symptoms that you are unsure of. Just call the Dr to check it out.

Painful events (in order of pain intensity, most to least):

1. insertion of drip,.
2. administering of anaesthetic to the perineum for the episiotomy (which I screamed "it stings" even in the midst of contractions).
3. I think was the crowning of the head. I didn't know what the sting was but judging from the time interval I felt it and the baby arriving, I should think that was it.
4. labour contractions

The sweetest sound I've ever heard: When he cried so loudly as the Dr pulled him out

The most beautiful face and expression I've ever seen: When he was placed in my arms and when he stared at me, matching my face to the voice that he's heard for the last 9 months.

Everything was worth it. When Kieran was placed in my arms, I knew I would do anything in the world for him.

Botak Jones

Hubb and I went to try out Botak Jones (AMK branch) yesterday. Hubb thought that it was too hyped-up already. I thought that the food tasted not bad. The presentation was much much nicer than the usual hawker-center style western food. Then again, for the price that we paid, it had better be.

Here's what we ordered:

Swanky Franky
super large sausage on a bun (really huge), topped with loads of onions

Botak Burger
150g beef patty with loads of onions, veg etc.

Both were served with Fries and slaw. The meal cost $15.60. Not too bad for bistro-style food in a kopi tiam.

What is an early contraction?

I am getting totally confused. Labour is such an imprecise science. I don't know what to expect, don't know what to feel...

baby, can you just give Mummy clearer signs??

Let's look at the series of events:

• leaking some fluid that's not ammniotic fluid
• "the bloody show" with 1 contraction that has a bit of pain (was that even a contraction?)
• Many tightening contractions with no pain

What's up man??!!

False alarm

Okie, the leaking was a false alarm. Not the ammniotic fluid.

Pre-labour??

Called Dr Lim just now. Told him about the symptoms. He said he cannot be sure, but since there is no contraction-like pain, I can still stay at home and monitor. Said to go in to the clinic tomorrow morning to get it checked out.

Mother's Day

It' s Mother's day today. We had a seafood dinner last night at Tyrwhitt Rd and well, it was okay. However, I'm now down with a bad tummy. I'm wondering if it was due to the dinner last night (as I chomped down the belachan fish) or it is signs of prelabour (like I read on the web).

Anyway, according to hubb, I'm not eligible for the Mother's day celebration as I'm technically not a mum yet!! :P It means that I do not get a mother's day pressie!!! *blah*

Birthday Pressie

We didn't do anything really fanciful for my birthday, just had a nice dinner and came home after that. Hubb got me a pair of pearl earrings and I really loved it. It's something very different from the rest of the earrings I have at home. Just that I have to take very good care of it!! It looks more fragile than the diamond ones, I'll try to clean it after I wear it every time so that it'll last.